Do you Communicate Effectively with your Spouse? Or there is a Lack of it!

This is in continuation to the series of our blogs on “Marriage Counseling”. In our previous article, different factors resulting in turbulence in a marriage relationship were given and was assured that all the factors will be taken up individually one by one. Maintaining the continuity and the assurance, we will be taking up the first and the most important factor i.e. “Lack of Communication” in this blog.


Communication is the most important and the most common lacking factor responsible for distress in marriage relationships. Although there are many factors that are foundation of solid & tough marriages but there are four Core Values absence of which becomes the base or root cause of marriages that are not on the smooth track. These core values most importantly are:

To put up honestly, knowingly or unknowingly, most of the time the married couples self-sabotage their relationship by not paying any heed to these core values or by mutually exclusive non-aligned focus on these values.

Love & Respect, Communication, Understanding & Quality time, all these four core values are of utmost importance to be understood and implemented religiously in a marriage relationship for its smooth and effective functioning.

Communication i.e. both verbal and non-verbal is a way of sharing and expressing personal viewpoints, feelings and emotions with each other. When the heavenly communion happens it is very essential for the spouses to spend ample time First understanding each other and Second letting each other know of their own self. If communication is clear in any relationship, many problems come to an end or rather; problems do not originate at all.

For married couples, communication is the pathway to a hassle free marriage. But, most of the time it is seen that couples allow their ego to run the show and communicate in a very unhealthy manner as a result of which lot of misunderstandings arise. It has been found that this kind of communication language that the couples develop with time manifests further misunderstandings and fuels lot of suppressed anger, frustration and irritability. That might lead to a permanent dent in their relationship.

In today’s scenario where both the partners might be working, expecting or giving each other desired amount of time could be difficult; this could therefore worsen the situation all together. Let us consider an example where both partners after coming back home from work, feel exhausted and stressed and want to just relax in their own space after finishing off with few chores. By the time they are free it is time to go to bed, and have only limited interaction with their spouse. They tend to forget that this limited interaction or lack of communication can breed insecurity, self- doubts, distrust which can cause a lot of damage to their relationship and sometimes can lead to “Divorce.”

Healthy conversations, light exchanges, romantic gestures, staying away from their gadgets, having a conscious going to bed routine etc. are few very fundamental effective ways to communicate and convey your love, affection and care towards your spouses.

It is very important to understand that communication being the most integral part of a marriage relationship builds a rapport between the couple. When there is absence or lack of communication, the relationship is rendered to be vulnerable. It gives rise to assumptions and lack of trust. When a couple communicates, they share their emotions, feelings of love, joy, sadness, doubts, likes, dislikes, choices with each other, they get validation for their emotions and this gives them a sense of security. It even develops a bond of trust and love and strengthens their relationship for life. After all it is this sense of security that keeps the partners going in their marriage no matter what the circumstances are.

Let us have a quick and specific look at the facts which come into light when couples communicate effectively with each other:

  1. It strengthens their bond.

  2. It gives them a sense of security.

  3. They feel loved.

  4. It builds a positive rapport between them

  5. It makes them feel happy and satisfied which in turn helps them to improve their other relationships and take care of their family in a better way.