Radio Noida invited me as on 20th May 2018, Meghna Singh to participate in their program on Domestic violence as part of their Community Radio initiative. It was a series on Domestic violence and was dedicated to its victims, their stories, and awareness around type of help support available from NGOs, Police and the legal system. I participated to provide the counsellors perspective on the perpetrators psychology as to why does he/she take to violence that can be verbal, emotional, physical, and even financial towards their wife/daughter or sister in law.
It was heart wrenching to hear some of the stories and even more tragic to hear about the plight of the females. For every story shared on the show, a Psychologists view point was taken on why or how the incidents occur and how does the psych of the abuser works?
This platform gave us the opportunity to explore domestic violence in a holistic way where each case was analysed and approach was provided as to how the victim can reach out to the ngo, police and also go through psychological counselling to deal with her turmoil and situation.
Few of the stories though sad and depressing are equally inspiring to many-many more women going through similar plight of domestic abuse and violence.
As a Counseling Psychologist, my objective was to convey the mind-set (what goes inside the mind of the abuser, his psychology) of the abusers, the people who inflict domestic violence mostly the Husbands and the In-laws. The psychology of the abusers depends a lot on how the victims react, the moment they realise the victim is fearful, submissive and will not retaliate, their sense of Power and Grandiose increases. They work on the main weakness of their wives i.e. social refute and bad name of their family (parents). Additionally they steal away the wife's financial, emotional, social rights thus lowering and attacking their self-esteem and confidence.
My aim was to also create awareness amongst the victims/listeners that how their first reaction is IMPORTANT. Not accepting being abused and constantly fighting for their rights, weakens the abusers and instils fear in them. Seeking help and support is again very important, right people knowing is good and it helps to generate fear of social boycott amongst the abusers.
Key points for anyone who is going through domestic abuse:
1. Say No the very first time
2. Try to have some financial control if possible
3. Do not hesitate or be afraid to share your turmoil with your family and friends, people knowing when known by the abuser leads to reduction in the abuse.
4. Seek help: many a times there are small actions/changes in your responses that can improve your situation and allow the abuser to be on the back foot.
5. Don’t ever fear your abuser, retaliate intelligently. Or immediately seek help i.e. call helpline numbers like Delhi Police 1091, contact NGOs here.
6. If possible leave the house of abuse ASAP.
Do not suffer the torture anymore!